What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
