Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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