There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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