Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
