this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
