I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
