gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
