remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
