In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
