yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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