I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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