She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So many bounce houses so little time
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
