We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
