FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
