I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
