thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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