marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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