your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
