were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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