I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
