Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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