I bet he comes in French.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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