Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
