the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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