btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
