using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
