Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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