well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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