Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
