Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
