We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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