Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
