im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
