let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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