using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
