He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
