Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
