On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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