update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
