Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
