Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
