so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
