i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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