I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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