Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
