No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
