my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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