That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
