my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
