i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
