you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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