I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
