So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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