I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
