just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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