thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
