Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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