woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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