I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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