we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
