he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
