Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
