i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
