I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
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