Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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