She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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