my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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