We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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